This morning I woke up rather out of sorts and very tired. I looked outside only to see the weather reflecting my mood with overcast skies and snow. While I watched the snow fall, collecting on the pine trees outside, the words Trust, Patience, Gratitude, and Detachment came to me. I started thinking about each of these words, knowing full well what their meanings are for me.
The first two (Trust and Patience) I have heard several times over the past few months. I have always been the type of person to push myself, wanting to accomplish so much in this lifetime with the single-minded goal of helping and serving as many people as I possibly can. And my Type A personality feeds into this as well. Since I was a teen, I have been a knowledge-seeker. This knowledge-seeking has happened during several different phases of my life. And once again, I find myself in this knowledge-seeking and gathering phase. As I reflect on each of those phases, including this one, I notice that they are periods of massive growth, seclusion, and an overwhelming sense of aloneness. Now, I know I’m not alone; we are never alone. But, when you try to explain to someone what you are going through, if they have not had the experience themselves, it is very hard to put into words and to be understood.
So, here I was totally immersed in my thoughts about these words, and this is what came to me.
When I focus my attention on this word, I know it means for me to Trust the process, that all is well. Most importantly, it means for me to Trust my abilities. After many years as a healer, I still struggle with this piece of me. It’s a wonderful way of staying humble in this profession; however, I am still blown away with what comes through in my sessions and the physical manifestations of my person when massive healing is taking place for the person I’m serving. I’m in awe of this, and there are absolutely no words that can describe the experience I’m having with each session. It’s an incredibly humbling experience.
But, now, I’m in another phase of my life where solitude is required as another ‘leveling up’ occurs for me, and this is forcing me to really look at what’s going on deep inside me and acknowledge those pieces that have been hidden from view for a while. On some level I’ve always known they existed, but to truly look at these, feel through them, and then release them is at times a bit overwhelming. Yes, I have the free will choice to continue to avoid these, but then that slows my growth, and others are affected due to this, so free will in this instance is not an option; therefore, in this space of solitude I am learning to Trust at a capacity I didn’t know existed. But, this brings me to my next word…
As I sit in this solitude, learning to Trust ALL OF IT requires Patience, and what I’m realizing is there are different forms of Patience. I have the Patience of Job on many other things in my life, such as my husband’s 12-year journey to make a career switch that benefited many people (immediate and far reaching); however, that form of Patience does not filter over into my world. I tend to set a very high expectation for myself and disappoint myself when I haven’t met whatever expectation.
Today, I realized that Patience with the process and Patience with this new level of Trust is also very much needed here. This Patience with the Self is self-love and self-care at its best. As I gather, seek knowledge, and level up in my current state of solitude, I need to remind myself that this is all part of the journey to my destination. I WILL get there, but if I’m resisting Trust and Patience along the way, it will take me twice as long to achieve any of it, and it will continue to persist. Embracing ALL OF IT is the only option.
While I was thinking about this, I realized just how ungrateful I sound, which brought me to my next word…
As tough as this is to feel the feels and work through it all, I realized that gratitude is the next part of this process. I am being provided a beautiful opportunity to grow in order to share my gifts with the world and become the best version of myself, and I’m over here wallowing about what’s not happening fast enough in my world and how its all supposed to look. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me? There are people out there that would love an opportunity like this. Honestly, I have no idea how long any of this is going to last, but being ungrateful for such a beautiful opportunity to learn and grow, well … this is not an option either. Which brings me to the last and final word…
While I was finishing up with the word Gratitude, Detachment jumped in. That’s when I realized that I needed to detach from whatever outcome I think it should be. In all of our lives, the possibilities are endless. This is based on our pre-destined path we chose to come in with as well as our free will. They go hand-in-hand, but when we place our own ‘HOW’ to the equation, we limit any other possibilities. Honestly, I have no idea how any of what I am doing is going to look like in the future. I have a feeling and intuition of the many possibilities, but if I don’t remove my attachment to what I think the outcome should be, I will limit myself on many levels which then effects everyone I am supposed to encounter in this life, and again, this is not an option.
I wrote this, because I felt there are people, maybe not with the same circumstances, but who are having their own experiences and these words may reach them at just the right moment, helping them through. Also, people need to understand that just because you were either born with these gifts or developed them over time, we are all very human and struggle with the best of them. The key here is learning to Trust, have Patience, be Grateful, and Detach in each situation or circumstance, opening yourself up to a broader, bigger picture, because the more you open yourself up to ALL OF IT, the possibilities are endless and your suffering disappears.